____ _ / ___| ___ _ __ | | __ ___ _ __ _ | | / _ \ | '_ \ | |/ / / _ \ | '__| (_) | |___ | (_) | | | | | | < | __/ | | _ \____| \___/ |_| |_| |_|\_\ \___| |_| (_) | | (_) __ __ ___ ( _ ) | | | | \ \ / / / _ \ / _ \/\ | |___ | | \ V / | __/ | (_> < |_____| |_| \_/ \___| \___/\/ _ _ | _ \ ___ | | ___ __ _ __| | ___ __| | | |_) | / _ \ | | / _ \ / _` | / _` | / _ \ / _` | | _ < | __/ | | | (_) | | (_| | | (_| | | __/ | (_| | |_| \_\ \___| |_| \___/ \__,_| \__,_| \___| \__,_| +Xbox +Mature 1. Hello! 2. Controls 3. Money Locations 4. Walkthrough 5. Multiplayer 6. Obvious Questions 7. Extras 8. Closing +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ 1. H e l l o ! HELO| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Hello, and welcome to my Faq/Walkthrough! This is the greatest Rareware game of all time, so I just HAD to do a Walkthrough on it. So fun, right? Now let's go!! +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ U p d a t e s & N e w s UPWS| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ 1.4 - Added all of the Multiplayer crap. You're not the only MP FAQer out there. FroFro! 1.3 - Added Multiplayer section. 1.2 - Added a new system for finding the section (In find, type in the first two letters, then the last two to get to the section you want) 1.1 - Fixed some minor spelling errors and added a few extras. 1.0 - This thing was created! +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ 2. C o n t r o l s COLS| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Hungover Conker: A - Hiccup B - Punch... sort of Regular Conker A - Jump Again - Hover B - Pull out weapon (if you don't have on, he just punches like Hungover Conker) R - Crouch R+A - Spring Jump L - 1st Person View Left Control Stick (Push) - Move Left Control Stich (In) - Jump Right Control Stick (Push) - Adjust Camera Right Control Stick (In) - Close up/out of Conker Weapon Mode B - Swing (Pan/Bat) R Hold - Aim (Shotgun) or Fire (Mini Uzis) R Push - Fire (Shotgun) On Franky A - Jump B - Stab On the bull B - Charge Swimming (Note: You need the Confidence Pills) B - Dive RCS - Adjust camera B While Submerged - Swim in direction Conker is facing LCS - Swim forward of backward Pissed Conker B - Pee R - Adjust distance (Note: After a while, Conker will run out of pee and turn into Hangover Conker, which you must step on a B Pad to cure.) Hoverboard A - Jump B - Hit a Caveman LCS - Go left or right Raptor A - Jump B - Charge and Bite R - Swallow Caveman (No, not like that, stupid!) Mr. Barrel LCS - Move Bat B - Fly (If Grounded) or Go Higher (If in flight) LCS - Left or Right RCS - Up or down R - Poop L - Go into Rectum View War Conker (WC does what RC does, but some are changed) B - Draw Uzis R - Hold to fire R (Not Drawn) - Crouch Tank RCS - Move LCS - Move Cannon R - Fire Missile A - Jump Out Space Suit A - Boost (Jump) B - Punch R - Punch +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ 3. M o n e y L o c a t i o n s MONS| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ -Hungover- No money in this chapter. -Windy- Part 1- $100 - After saving the hive. $100 - At the entrance after flooding the Poo Cabin. Part 2- $100 - To the left of the Wasp's nest entrance, there's an alcove. Jump up and WALK into it. You'll end up in another alcove. Viewing from the outside, jump and hover to the left into another alcove. At the end is the money. $100 - After saving the hive again. -Barn Boys- $100 - After getting rid of Marvin, jump on the roof for money. $100 - In an alcove reachable by using the Sunflower's breasts. $100 - In the place after 'Frying Tonight'. $100 - At the end of the gate that opens after smashing the pad in the bucket. -Bats Tower- $100 - At the very top of the tower. $10 - After the Brass Bollocks Boiler. $300 - In an alcove reachable by jumping off the Dogfish. -Sloprano- $100 - On top of Poo Mountain. $100 - Next to the flusher. -Uga Buga- $100 - On the temple top. $100 - On the dino god's head. $100 - In the cage after freeing Berri. $100 - At the end of 'Mugged'. $100 - Follow the money after beating Buga the Knut. -Spooky- $100 - At the end of the chapter. -It's War- No money in this chapter. -Heist- $997790 - Before the battle with Heinrich. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ 4. W a l k t h r o u g h! WAGH| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ (Note: For this tracking system, it's the first three letters, then the number of which chapter it is) +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ H u n g o v e r | S c a r e d y B i r d y HUN1| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Walk over into the garden in front of the scarecrow. His name is Birdy, and he will teach you about Context Sensitive Pads. Step over to the one in front of the Garden entrance and use it to cure Conker's hangover. Now swim over to the island behind you and learn how to spring jump and crouch. Now keep going up the path. Ignore the door and keep going to a switch. Pull it to open the door you recently passed, and go in it. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ H u n g o v e r | P a n h a n d l e d HUN2| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Chase the key in here for a while. Conker will realize this isn't working. Out comes a rack of weapons, one of which is the one Conker will take, a frying pan. Now some Imps will come out of the ground and eat the key. Now kill the Imps and the key will come out of the last one you kill. Hit the key, pick it up, then take it to the door to exit. Go back up to the switch and to the right to meet the Gargoyle. After the cutscene, smack the Gargoyle and a cutscene will trigger, making Conker pull out a bat and the Gargoyle will be crushed. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ H u n g o v e r | G a r g o y l e HUN3| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Go on the rock, jump to the B Pad, and use it to blow up the rock and go through the door. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ W i n d y | M r s . B e e WIN1| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ After the cutscene, grab some chocolate, then go up to the sign and grab the tail for an extra life. Now go right and talk to Mrs. Bee. She'll tell you her hive has been stolen by the wasps. Now go back to the sign and follow the other paths, killing the Imps along the way. At the Wasp's Territory, you'll see the hive. Grab it, and the Wasps will come out and chase you. Run back to Mrs. Bee. Don't worry about the Wasps, if you keep moving they can't get you. Once you get the hive back, she'll shoot down the Wasps with a Hive Machine Gun and give you $100. Now go across the bridge and onto the B Pad to meet up with Birdy again. For $10, you can buy the manual. Buy it and he'll go away, and fart, causing the money to run back to you. Now use the B Pad to pull out a Slingshot and kill the four Dung Beetles on the mountain. Now go up the mountain and into the right entrance. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ B a r n B o y s | M a r v i n BAR1| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Go across the water, and to the right, up a hill. Talk to Jack (The blue box) and he'll tell you to find his friend Burt and get rid of the flatulent rat to get the pink block off him. Now go back to where you crossed the water and go left this time. Avoid the falling crates and go over to Burt. He'll open the gate to the Cheese Field. Whack one and pick it up. Bring it back to Marvin and he'll eat it. Bring back two more. After the 3rd one, he'll swell up and explode. Now the pink block will get off Jack. Use them and some pipes to get on top of the barn where there is some cash and a switch. Push it and the barn door will open. Climb down and go in. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ B a r n B o y s | M a d P i t c h f o r k BAR2| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ After the cutscene, ignore the Hay Bales and go over to the Franky the pitchfork to start a boss battle. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ B o s s | F r a n k y BOS1| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ The key to defeating Franky is to make him kill the Hay Bales. To do this, you must dodge his attack of jabbing you by tailspinning out of the way while in front of the Hay Bales. After you kill all eight, Franky will complain that it's 'just too much' and attempt to hang himself, only to end up stuck because he has no neck. In the words of Franky himself, 'Diddly di dam, I is gonna be up here a long time'. Now pull the switch to make a bee fall outside the barn. Now leave, and a giant Hay Bale with arms will fall down and start wandering around... aimlessly!! +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ B a r n B o y s | S u n n y D a y s BAR3| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Outside, talk to King Bee, and he'll tell you that he wants to pollinate the sunflower you might have passed a while ago. After you're done talking, go to the sunflower and she'll complain about your big, long, hairy pe- er, tail. She's covering her breasts. You need to find a way to get her to bear them. Go into the vicinity of the old crate and you will find some Tickly Bees. You need to gather 5 of them to get the Sunflower to bare her breasts. They can be found- -In the small chasm -On the barn -In the Cheese Field -Next to the entrance After you gather all 5, bring them back to the Sunflower. She'll get tickled so much that she'll take her hands off of her breasts, revealing them. Now King Bee will fly down and pollinate her, which strangely sounds like sex... Well, anyway, go back to the old crate, and when it stops, climb on and in the barn... +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ B a r n B o y s | B a r r y + C o BAR4| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Now you are in the rafters of the barn. After the cutscene with the bats, you need to get across the rafters to a B Pad. There are two ways across: 1. Walk across the rafters, torching the bats as they come. 2. Tailspin across from platform to platform. At the end, the B Pad will give Conker some Knives. If you went across the second way, you can make the bats fall by hitting them with Knives. But the reason this pad is here is you have to cut the rope hanging Franky. Aim for the hook supporting Franky and a Matrixesque cutscene will occur, so now jump down. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ B a r n B o y s | B u f f Y o u BAR5| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ After the cutscene, hop on your new pitchfork friend and go over to the giant Hay Bale. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ B o s s | G i a n t H a y B a l e BOS2| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ To kill the Giant Hay Bale, you must stab him in the back with Franky. After you stab him twice, some of his hay will fall off, revealing a cyborg eye! He'll scroll through a list of insults, and chooses, of course, "Buff you!". Stab him again, and he will jump a whole lot, causing the floor to crumble and reveal an abyss... +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ B a r n B o y s | H a y b o t W a r s BAR6| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ After landing, Conker will hurt his leg and now walks as slow as Hangover Conker, and you can only go faster on Franky. After the cinematic, you must fight again... +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ B o s s | H a y b o t BOS3| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ To defeat him, run behind one of the pipes and wait for him to fire a Suzie 9mm missile at you, hitting the pipe in front of you. When that happens, water will come out of the pipe. Now he will go towards you. Keep behind the pipe, and he will hopefully step in the water and short-circut. When he does, approach him and when he rotates, wait for the button that comes, and jump and press B when it does. Conker will punch the button. Do this with all the pipes, and Haybot will blow up. After the cinematic, the next chapter will start. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ B a r n B o y s | F r y i n g T o n i g h t BAR7| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Quickly swim over to the pipe with the 'Exit' signs next to it, and climb up the ladder to the B Pad and the water will rise. Now you have to cut a three wires close to you. Once you cut them all, Swim over to the pipe top across (Make sure the water isn'telectric) and cut some more wires while the water rises again. Afterwards, if the water isn't electrocuted, hop in the water while it raises and wait for it to stop, then swim across to an exit. Get out and you will be in a room with a monk. Let him flip you up and grab the money and go forward. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ B a r n B o y s | S l a m D u n k BAR8| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ After the cinematic, climb up the LOOOOOOOOOOONG ladder and at the end kill the Imp and climb up another LOOOOOOOOOOONG ladder. At the top, jump to the second Chocolate and press B to turn into an Anvil and smash the B Pad at the bottom of the bucket, opening the gate at the bottom of the level. Now climb the ladder in the bucket, go around the rim of the bucket and go down another ladder onto the top of the barn. Now drop off into one of the chasms and go into the gate. Inside is a new enemy: the Ceramic Doll. Don't mind them, just grab the tail and money. Now exit this horrible place. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ W i n d y | P o o C a b i n WIN2| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Go back into Windy, and go to through the other passage, and into the cabin. In the castle, the Professer has found the Panther King's problem... a gap in the table leg! He tried to fill it with many things... he tried Elephants... he tried Potted Plants, but the only thing that seemed to fit, was a Red Squirrel. And that's what Conker is. Gulp. Anyway, after the cutscene, in the Poo Cabin, a dung beetle will tell you that if you can get some poo, he will make you a poo ball. So go in the place a shows you. Ignore the money for now and kill the Imps. At the end, climb up the rope and grab hold of another one. Climb up that one, and jump off in the direction of the door-like thing and go upstream while killing the Imps. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ W i n d y | P r u n e d WIN3| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Outside you can find a bull, who isn't too fond of Conker's fur. Go out and while in the water make a sharp U-Turn left to the side of where you entered. Climb on the barrels and on the roof of where the Poo Balls are coming down. Go up on the side of the mountain, then on the roof, making sure not to get hit, then jump on the next roof, then to the giant rotating switch. Run the direction of the arrow, and a target will appear. Also, the tankard will fill with Prune Juice. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ W i n d y | Y e e h a w ! WIN4| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Now you must make the bull hit the target. Get in front of the target and wait for the bull to charge at you. Tailspin out of the way and the bull will hit the target, releasing a cow. Now you have to get on the bull and ram the cow. Make the bull ram another target and this time he will get stuck. Junp on and ride! Now ram the cow and she'll go over to the Prune Juice and drink it and get Stupor Diahorrea and run over to the grate in the middle to crap. Once she is done ram her again to make her explode. Do this with 2 more cows and the bull will stand on the grate and break it. Jump down into it to end up in the next chapter. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ W i n d y | S e w a g e S u c k s WIN5| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Jump up on the bar and grab the tail. Now go through the door and to the right. Use the B Pad to get Confidence Pills. Now Conker can swim! Swim down and back to where you entered. Go up, grab the money, go back to the cabin and exit. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ W i n d y | G r e a t B a l l s o f P o o WIN6| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Great. Now you have a ball of poo. Go to the nearby hill and kill the Imps. Now roll the ball of poo off the edge and it will hit the Imp down there. Drop down onto the boards and press B on the switch in there. The cork at the bottom will come out and suck up the two Imps in it. Now go into the lake and to the door on the right into Bats Tower. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ B a t s T o w e r | M r s . C a t f i s h BAT1| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ When inside, Conker will meet Mrs. Catfish. She'll tell you she will crack a safe for you and give you 10% of what is in there if you get rid of the Dogfish swimming around. Go to the Dogfish area and swim down into an illuminated hole. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ B a t s T o w e r | B a r r y ' s M a t e BAT2| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Go up at the other side and over to the yellow cog, Carl. After him yelling, Conker will flip him over to reveal his more calm side, Quentin. He will explain the ordeal: Carl lost his 'friends', and you must help him, or Quentin's life will be a misery. So now proceed to ascend the tower. After ascending, pull the switch at the top to release the cogs and open the gate. Now drop back down. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ B a t s T o w e r | C o g ' s R e v e n g e BAT3| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Hit the cog running around, pick it up, and go up the steps to put it on one of the pegs. Now go back to the water and dive to go into the newly opened hole. Avoid the Imps and get to the end to reach a cog. Do the same for it and swim back here after putting it on. This time go farther and the last cog should be there. Now bring it back and after you get insulted for bringing back his friend, run on the giant rotating switch to flip him off the peg he's on. Now the lady cogs will jump off the pegs and beat him up. When he regains conchienceness, he will be on Mr. Big Cog, and flip around to Quentin, who enjoys it. After the remainder, go back to Mrs. Catfish. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ B a t s T o w e r | T h e C o m b o n a t i o n BAT4| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ At the dock, the Catfish will follow you. Go to the safe and Mrs. Catfish will open the door for you. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ B a t s T o w e r | B l a s t D o o r s BAT5| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ The money don't wannt go with you, so you gotta get it. Go on the B Pad and when it goes over the next arrow in the sequence, shoot it. After entering it in, the door to the water will open. Go on the B Pad below and Conker will put on a Hard Hat with a light. Now dive. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ B a t s T o w e r | C l e e t ' s L a i r BAT6| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Dive down to the bottom, making frequent trips to the bubbles to get air. Go through the Green lit tunnel, then at the end surface and use the B Pad to put in a new battery. Now submerge and go through the Blue lit tunnel. Now rise and pull the switch. Now go back to the starting point by going through the Red (I think) lit tunnel, then the Yellow lit tunnel. Now go back up into a new area where you can jump down a hole and exit. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ B a t s T o w e r | P i s s t a s t i c BAT7| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ In this area, kill the Imp and continue forward. After the cinematic, go behind you and use the B Pad to get Conker pissed. Now use your pissing abilities to put out some Fire Imps. After you put out a few, the two you saw before will hop in a boiler and release some giant brass testicles. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ B a t s T o w e r | B r a s s M o n k e y s BAT8| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ B o s s | B r a s s B o l l o c k s B o i l e r BOS4| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ To defeat the Brass Bollocks Boiler, get his attention, then jump on to one on the pads in the corners. Once he starts his fire attack, jump up and pull a switch to dump a load of poo on him to stun him. While he's stunned, go up to him and press B next to his bollocks. Once you do this four times, he will fall apart. Roll one of the Brass Balls on the pad next to the door, and then roll another one down the path. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ B a t s T o w e r | B u l l f i s h ' s R e v e n g e BAT9| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ After the cutscene, you'll find out it's only a MEASLY $10. But you get to keep it. Now, SWIM AS FAST YOU CAN TO THE DOCK! If you get to it sucsessfully, you will win the chapter. Now go back to the Poo Cabin Area. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ W i n d y | G r e a t B a l l s o f P o o I I WIN7| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Grab the new ball of poo and roll it up the mountain, carefully to avoid the Dung Beetles. At the top, Conker will stick some dynamite in it and roll it off the edge into the giant Dung Beetle's mouth and make it explode. Now get another ball of poo and go the other way up and roll it in the hole and it will go through the hive, breaking the boards at the bottom. Enter at the bottom for the next chapter. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ S l o p r a n o | C o r n O f f t h e C o b SLO1| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ After the cutscene, you must whack the Sweet Corn and go to the ledge facing the giant Poo lake. After tossing it in, tailspin over to the next place with Sweet Corn and do the same. Then again with the next to trigger the next boss battle. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ S l o p r a n o | S w e e t M e l o d y SLO2| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ B o s s | G r e a t M i g h t y P o o BOS5| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ The key to defeating the GMP is to wait until he starts singing like "La la LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA la la la la!" and go to the nearest B Pad to toss Toilet Paper in his mouth. After doing this six times, he will break the glass keeping you from the flusher. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ S l o p r a n o | U - B e n d B l u e s SLO3| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Now pull the flusher to finish him off. Now go to the second ledge off and hop onto a platform. Keep hopping from platform to platform and go through the door. Now swim down into the pit and keep going until you can surface and reach a doorway and go up a rope, then a ladder. Keep going. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ S l o p r a n o | T h e B l u f f SLO4| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Talk to the weasels and a cutscene will occur, and you will be in the next area. Get to the other side of the Temple without getting thrown off by the raptors, the on the next level do it again to get to the roof. Collect the money and press B on the statue's head 3 times to get to the next chapter. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ U g a B u g a | D r u n k e n G i t s UGA1| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Press B once more to pound the statue down and open the door below. Go in the direction of the bar and roll the rolled-up rock guy through the recently opened door and down the tunnel into the Sacrificial Room. Now go through the door to the right of the Giant Dinosaur Head. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ U g a B u g a | S a c r i f i c e ! UGA2| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Keep going through the path until you reach a part that goes right and to an egg. Use the monk's stone to flip to the top of the egg and press B. After a while the egg will hatch into a baby dino. Now continue along the path back to the Sacrificial Room. Go back to the giant B Pad and shoot the Up Arrow to make the stone go up. Lead the Dino on the platform and get it just right to make him stay, now shoot the Down Arrow to sacrifice it. Now the GDH will open it's mouth. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ U g a B u g a | P h l e g m UGA3| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Use the monk's stone to flip up to it's head to fix it's mucus problem. When the smoke from the nostrils stop, hop into one and press B. Once you do this with both of the nostrils, all the mucus will fly off and you can enter. When you are in dodge all of the things and take the left passage through and exit at the back. There you will find a dead caveman. Conker will take his hat as a disguise. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ U g a B u g a | W o r s h i p UGA4| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Go back to the Sacrificial Room and the cavemen will start to worship you and follow you. Take them all back to the Rock Solid Bar and kill all the rock creatures, then go to the bouncer to gain entry into the bar. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ U g a B u g a | R o c k S o l i d UGA5| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ First you must get the switch in front of you kept pressed. Go to the mini bar and roll the bartender up to the switch. Now get pissed and pee on one of the rock creatures to roll them into the door. Now go to the B Pad in the center, then go forward from the entrance ramp and jump up the platforms and roll the rock thing across, avoiding the female ones. At the end is a switch, roll it over to open the other two doors. Now get pissed again and pee a rock creature down into one of the doors and it will fall onto the cage where Berri has been dancing. Now exit. After the cutscene this ends. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ U g a B u g a | B o m b R u n UGA6| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Now Conker has a bomb. Hurry back from the bar, through the Dino God, and +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ U g a B u g a | M u g g e d UGA7| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ It's obvious what happens here. Now Conker will have to get his money back. After the cutscene, go through the tunnel and on the Hover Board. Now you have to race them, and be careful not to crash. Once you get close to a cave brat, hit them and knock them off the board. After you knock off two, the path will change and a gate will close, so you have to make a sharp right into a narrow tunnel. Oh, and be careful NOT TO TOUCH ANYTHING OR YOU WILL EXPLODE AND START THE STAGE OVER. After you kill all three, go up the ramp for some cash and the exit to this horrible stage. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ U g a B u g a | R a p t o r F o o d UGA8| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Payback for the last stage, AW YEAH! After the cutscene, approach the cavemen to trigger another cutscene, then quickly run over to the B Pad and wait for the raptor to approach you and use the B Pad to hypnotize it. When it's hypnotized, climb on it's back and eat all the cavemen to make the Infantry come out. Eat them all to get out the Spear Throwers. Eat them, then that will trigger the next scene and the boss. (Note: If you get hit, the Raptor will throw off Conker, and you will have to hypnotize it again.) +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ U g a B u g a | B u g a t h e K n u t UGA9| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ B o s s | B u g a t h e K n u t BOS6| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Now is a fun boss. He has two attacks: Jump, and Bone Smash. When he raises his bone for the Bone Smash, use B to bite his crotch and his loin cloth will call down. Now quickly circle behind him and press B to bite his butt. Now do this three times to reveal his secret. Now after the occuring things, follow the cash to the U-Bend from Sloprano. This time don't submerge, look around and find a door. Now jump in the bowl to get back to the Poo Cabin. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ W i n d y | W a s p s ' R e v e n g e WIN8| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Go back to Mrs. Bee to find the hive has been stolen again. This time it is a deep insurgency mission. But you get QUADRUPLE. Wow. Now go back to the Wasps' territory. Once inside, you will find the HMG. Hop in and kill a bunch of Wasps, then after a while Conker will hop out and steal the hive. Now go back to Mrs. Bee and she'll shoot them down again. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ W i n d y | M r . B a r r e l WIN9| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ By now you should have $2110. If not, check the Cash Locations. If so, go up the Windmill mountain. At the top is Mr. Barrel. He will offer you a ride for $2110. Hop on and roll down the mountain. At the end, Conker will be hit so hard he'll stay down till night. Now go through the new tunnel you made with Mr. Barrel. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ S p o o k y | M r . D e a t h SPO1| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Here, go through the tunnel while killing the Ceramic Dolls, and at the end swim to the stairs at your left and kill the Dolls. Now dive off the broken bridge and go up the ramp to where Gregg is messing around trying to kill the Catfish from Bats Tower. Keep going, and jump off at the end and swim into the demon's mouth. Jump off and pull the switch. Now go back to Gregg and get the Shotgun! Now go through the door you opened to a Graveyard. In here, kill a dozen zombies and Gregg will appear at the other end. After the cutscene, go through the door to the next path. On this path, keep going while killing all the Dolls and Skeleton Worms. At the house a looooong cutscene will occur, and the next chapter will as well. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ S p o o k y | C o u n t B a t u l a SPO2| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Now Conker is a bat, and he will have to fly around the mansion finding villagers and bringing them back to the Grinder to feed his anscestor. My tactic is to go out to the Garden and just wait for a villager there. Once you find one, you have to poop on them (Easier through Rectum View) and grab them (Just get near them) and bring them back. You will need eight villagers to complete this task. Once you accomplish this deed, Conker's anscestor will be so heavy he will fall into the grinder himself and die. Now Conker will return to normal. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ S p o o k y | Z o m b i e s SPO3| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ In the foyer, you need three keys to exit. Here is the strategy: Key 1: Go up the stairs and into the doorway on your left. Now keep going past the pipe and into another doorway. Kill both zombies and go to the B Pad and use the crossbow to kill the trio of bats. Now keep crossing the rafters and grab the key at the end. Now go back as far as you can, and take the door to the right and go down the path in the library to the foyer. Put it in to raise a bridge to the garden, Key 2: Go back to the library and take the path into the Grinder Room, and go left into the doorway and go left again across the bridge into the garden. Now jump the garden wall and go left for the key (It's the way to go if you don't want to memorize the path) and exit the maze and go back to the foyer. Key 3: Go back up the stairs, and back through the path you took to get the the first key, and there should be a ladder right before the doorway to the rafters. Climb it and jump off to the right, and pull the switch. This will open a shortcut to the foyer. Now jump to the other side, and keep going past the pipe. Do not grab the key yet, but go through the shortcut, and draw your shotgun and kill the zombies. Now go back, grab the key, and take the shortcut back to the foyer and put the key in to unlock the door. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ S p o o k y | M r . B a r r e l SPO4| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Now hop on Mr. Barrel to the left of the stairs and roll out the door. Keep rolling along the path, through the cemetary, past the catfish and down the ramp to the right upstream. Now run on the small hill and in the cave. Now grab the money and jump down the hole to the place where you started the game. Now run up past the bridge into the next chapter. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ I t ' s W a r | I t ' s W a r ITS1| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ After the cutscene, go in the direction of the Wasps territory and go into the newly opened door behind the barbed wire. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ I t ' s W a r | P o w e r ' s O f f ITS2| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Go forward, and after the cutscene jump off to the right and pull the switch to trigger te power and a B Pad. Now go back up and push the crate on the rails left until the nail on the bottom is over the board. Now go up the hill to your left and knock on the door to reveal a Blue Imp with a TNT barrel on his back. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ I t ' s W a r | T N T ITS3| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Now push the guy down the hill, and push him left, past the jumping crates, then the crane, then keep doing that and get him to rest on the wall. Now get another TNT Imp and push it right this time, dodging the spider mine things, and he will rest at the end as well. Now go past the boxes and go forward to the B Pad and shoot the TNT Imps to get rid of the plane. Now go down the giant stone steps back near the crate you pushed and a cutscene will trigger, and you will be at the island you saw from the B Pad. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ I t ' s W a r | T h e A s s a u l t ITS4| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Now is a hard mission. You have to get to every metal cross thing while the Machine Gun Tediz are reloading. Keep doing this until you get to another squirrel, and after the cutscene, press B and Conker will pull out a cigar and Mini-Uzis. Time to get serious. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ I t ' s W a r | S o l e S u r v i v o r ITS5| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Shoot the stuffing out of thos miserable plush toys, and grab the chocolate, and shoot the lock off of the door near the dead squirrel. Kill all the Tediz in this room and the door will open, but it will have lasers inside. Crawl under them and walk through the next set. Keep going, and don't be surprised by the Tediz that jump out from behind the crates. Jump through the gap in the next set of lasers and kill the Tediz that drop down. Walk under the lasers here and more Tediz will drop down. Kill them and one from behind the stack of crates and continue forward. More Tediz drop. Kill them and go forward and a cutscene will trigger. In this part jump the lasers and kill all the Tediz and grab the chocolate. Dodge the fire and kill the Tediz. Keep going and some Tediz will ambush you. Kill them and keep going. Dodge the lasers and fire, and kill the Tediz at the end. Jump over the next two lasers, then walk through the next three. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ I t ' s W a r | C a s u a l i t y D e p t . ITS6| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ After the cutscene, kill the medical Tediz in here and a giant medical Tediz would come out of a pod. Keep away from it and once you kill it go to the exit, talk to the squirrel and flip both switches to exit. In here kill the Tediz and go toward the exit door to unleash a wave of Tediz. Hurry back to the turret you passed and get in. The first Tediz wave will come from the exit. The second from the entrance. Third, exit. Fourth, entrance. The final one, both sides. After the final wave, exit. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ I t ' s W a r | S a v i n g P r i v a t e R o d e n t ITS7| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ After the cutscene, kill all of the Tediz, then meet up with Rodent. After the cutscene, continue forward, avoiding the bombs. When you see a crab mine pop up, hide behind Rodent to not get hurt. At the end, hop in the tank and blast the glass, then hop out and go in. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ I t ' s W a r | C h e m i c a l W a r f a r e ITS8| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Keep going along the bridge. To dispose of the crabs, jump on their side then hop back, and they will fall in the pit of chemicals. At the end, pull the switch, and quickly get out. Now go through the door you just opened. To lower the bridges, when the guns are up get out of the tank and spin over to the other side and smash the B Pad on the drawbridge. On each slice of land before the bridge, shoot the yellow and black striped things. After getting all three, you knock it down and can cross to where the tower was. Jump into the hole. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ I t ' s W a r | L i t t l e G i r l ITS9| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Go over to the little girl. After the cutscene, go behind one of the rock things to the B Pad that is glowing and shoot down the subs. If you see another B Pad glowing, go to that one. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ I t ' s W a r | T h e E x p i r e m e n t ITS10| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Now talk to the little girl. After the cutscene, prepare to face the boss. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ B o s s | T h e T h e E x p i r e m e n t BOS7| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Hop into the tank, and go behind in one of the rock machine things. For the first weapon, when she reloads it, shoot one to blow it up. Do the same for the next one. Now come out and shoot the girl off the Expirement's hand, then when it goes to pick her up, shoot the red thing on it's back to damage it. For the lasers, hide behind a rock machine thing and come out just enough so that you can shoot it's left hand but not get hit. Shoot it, then come out a little more and rotate the camera so you can shoot it. Then do the damaging process. For the missiles, when she stops firing, shoot one silo then shoot the other next time. Now damage it again to kill it. After the cutscene the action starts. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ I t ' s W a r | C o u n t d o w n ITS11| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Hop in the hole ahead of you. Get past the laser sets (Some you have to get hit) and kill the Tediz. At the end, go next to the door to pull out a Rocket Launcher. Kill all of the Tediz and exit. Now run back to the boat, while killing all of the RPG Tediz. If you can do all of this in under 4:30, you win the chapter. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ I t ' s W a r | P e a c e a t L a s t ITS12| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ After all the cutscenes, the next chapter begins. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ H e i s t | T h e W i n d m i l l ' s D e a d HEI1| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ From the start, go up the windmill hill (All the worms are dead, don't worry) and the windmill will be gone. After the cutscene, go in the hole at the bottom to end up at the bank. Approach Don Weaslo to meet with Berri and get a new outfit. Now go into the bank for the next chapter. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ H e i s t | E n t e r t h e V e r t e x HEI2| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ In this stage, just keep shooting weasels and use the B Pads to jump from side to side slowly. After a while the first laser barrier will deactivate. Now keep doing this for the next three and you can access the next area. In here, go to the next room and smack and collect three money packs to trigger a series of cutscenes. After, pull the switch under the throne to unlock a door with the suit in it. Now is the final boss! +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ H e i s t | T h e V a u l t HEI3| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ F i n a l B o s s | H e i n r i c h BOS8| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ To defeat Heinrich, keep punching him until Conker gives him an uppercut and stuns him. Now grab him by the tail and swing him out the airlock. Do this three times as it gets harder and trigger the final cutscene. View it in joy, because... YOU WON! +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ 5. M u l t i p l a y e r MUER| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Multiplayer consists of multiple modes, Live, Versus, Co-op, Solo, and Chapter X. Now come closer, and I will tell you about MP. You can play as either SHC or Tediz, sometimes objectives are the same, sometimes they are different, it depends on the map. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ C l a s s e s CLES| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ 1. Grunt The basic of all classes, the all arounder, the average Joe, the Grunt. He is the shortest of all classes, so if you are just starting Multiplayer, you should stick with the Grunt for a while. 2. Sneeker Being the only class with a sword, the Sneeker can be very lethal. Most people consider people who use the Sneeker cheaters, but the Sneeker is just very powerful. With three hit kill combo, never underestimate the Sneeker. 3. Long Ranger The Long Ranger is the only class that gets a Sniper Rifle, and with their deadly weapon, watch out for your head, as many maps have private platforms in which the LR can blow your pretty little head clean off! Watch out for the laser targeting! 4. Sky Jockey The only class that can go airborne, they also have a parachute that deploys when B is pressed. They can also fire missiles and drop bombs, these are a perfect choice for people who like games like Ace Combat. 5. Thermophile A lethal class, the Thermophile, if used right can be very deadly. With the power of flames at their hand, they can also fire acid to destroy mech units, Either of them pretty much gets the job done. 6. Demolisher The most powerful of all classes, the Demolisher is also very slow. All I can say is, if you need firepower without moving, the Demo's your man. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ 5. W e a p o n s & V e h i c l e s WEES| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ -Grunt- Regular Weapon: Sturm 21 Type: Machine Gun Modes: Auto (50 Rounds, the weakest), Burst (3 Rounds, moderate damage), and Dum-Dum (1 Round, extremely powerful). Upgrade Weapon: Hogster Type: Grenade Launcher Modes: Frag (Explodes a few seconds after firing), Impact (Explodes on cue), and Release (Explodes when you press R). Vehicle: Toad Mk II Speed: Fast Traction: Good Weapon: Machine Gun --- -Sneeker- Regular Weapon: Sabre Type: Blade Modes: Attack (Slicing), Defense (Bullet proof, has Tornado hold attack). Upgrade Weapon: Dagger Type: Knife Modes: Slice (Behind and enemy triggers a backstab), Throw (What do you think?). Vehicle: R-Hog Speed: Hyper Traction: Poor Weapon: None --- -Long Ranger- Regular Weapon: Widowmaker Type: Sniper Rifle Modes: Stand (Aim freely), Crouch (Can only aim higher, doesn't show GT), and Prone (Basically the same, but lower and with steadier aim). Upgrade Weapon: Krotch 45 Type: Pistols Modes: Regular (20 Rounds) Vehicle: R-Hog Speed: Hyper Traction: Poor Weapon: None --- -Sky Jockey- Regular Weapon: DP 500 Type: Magnums Modes: Single Shot, and Burst (Three rounds) Vehicle 1: Steed Speed: Hyper Traction: N/A Weapons: Twin Missile launchers Vehicle 2: Mule 52 (Seats seven passengers) Speed: Hyper Traction: N/A Weapons: Bombs --- -Thermophile- Regular Weapon: Sinurator Type: Flame Modes: Fire (Sprays fire), and Acid (Sprays acid). Upgrade Weapon: Fauster Type: Laser Modes: Regular Vehicle: Dragon Mk II Speed: Slow Traction: Good Weapons: Flamethrower --- -Demolisher- Regular Weapon: Bazooka Type: Missile Modes: Regular (One-hit kill), Guided (Remote controlled through a screen and R to detonate). Upgrade Weapon: Strayfur Type: Portable Turret Modes: Regular (150 Rounds). Vehicle: Tankus Speed: Extremely Slow Traction: Great Weapons: Machine Gun +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ G r e n a d e s GRES| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Name: CJ24 Releases: Poison Gas Name: Flashbang Releases: Stunning blast. Name: Frag Releases: Explosion after severals seconds. Name: Magnova Releases: Thunderous stun blast. Name: Napalm Releases: Flaming explosion. Name: Smoke Releases: Smoke cloud. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ M e d a l s a n d R a n k s MEKS| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ You can only obtains these things through Xbox Live. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ C l a s s M e d a l s CLLS| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ -Hero of the Sky Medal- Requirement: 1000 kills with the Sky Jockey. Reward: Quicker targeting and breach. -Rifleman Star- Requirement: 1000 kills with Long Ranger. Reward: Steadier aim and faster reload. -Medal of Mass Destruction- Requirement: 1000 kills with Demolisher. Reward: Wire Bomb boost and extra breech slot. -Homeland Defense Star- Requirement: 1000 kills with Thermophile. Reward: Recharge boost for all his weapons. -Cross of Honor- Requirement: 1000 kills with Grunt. Reward: Clip extension, self heal overcharge. -Special Operations Star- Requirement: 1000 kills with Sneeker. Reward: Better cloaking. -Campaign Medal- Requirement: All six Class Medals. Reward: Potty Mouth. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ S p e c i a l i s t M e d a l s SPLS| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ -Eagle Eye Medal- Requirement: Get 500 Headshots. Reward: Widowmaker's round overcharge power is increased. -Engineer's Citation- Requirement: Get 1500 points from repairment. Reward: The Kinetic Seal, for faster repairment. -Order of the Fiend- Requirement: Get 500 backstabs. Reward: Instant Snoopa detonation. -Iron Heart- Requirement: Get 1000 points from victory. Reward: The Hacking Device gets a speed chip, for faster... hacking. -Order of the Mighty- Requirement: Get all Specialist Medals. Reward: Infravision's power will be enhanced, the Hogster will work better, and the Tankus will reload faster. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ K i l l M e d a l s KILS| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ -Bronze Star- Requirement: Get 50 kills. Reward: Avatar Pack 2. -Silver Star- Requirement: Get 500 kills. Reward: Avatar Pack 3. -Onyx Medals- Requirement: Get 1000 kills. Reward: Avatar Pack 4. -Gold Sun- Requirement: Get 1500 kills. Reward: Flame Fire. Makes your bullets Golden when activated from the menu. -Purple Heart- Requirement: Get 3000 kills. Reward: Purple Streak. Makes your bullets Purple when activated from the menu. -Killmaster's Citation- Requirement: Get 4000 kills. Reward: Lowers respawn timer in half. -Jade Star- (Doesn't exist) Requirement: Get 500 mobile unit kills. Reward: Super Bonus Avatar Pack (With Naked Berri avatar!!!). -Platinum Shield- Requirement: Kill 500 Marshalls. Reward: Throw an extra primary grenade before restocking. -Order of the Noble Warrior- Requirement: Kill 500 Generals. Reward: Throw an extra secondart grenade before restocking. -Fire Star- Requirement: Get 500 flame kills. Reward: Increase the Sinurator's tank capacity. -Trooper Medal- Requirement: Get 500 mine kills. Reward: One extra mine in the set. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ R a n k s RAKS| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ -Privy- CP Needed: 0. Color: Green. -Corporal- CP Needed: 100. Color: Green. -Masta Sarge- CP Needed: 2000. Color: Green. -Squad Masta- CP Needed: 3000. Color: Blue. -Commanda- CP Needed: 4000. Color: Blue. -Cap'n- CP Needed: 5000. Color: Blue. -Brigade Leada- CP Needed: 6000. Color: Blue. -Underlord- CP Needed: 8000. Color: Purple. -Overlord- CP Needed: 10000. Color: Purple. -Knightlord- CP Needed: 12000. Color: Purple. -Knightlord- CP Needed: 12000. Color: Purple. -Warlord- CP Needed: 14000. Color: Purple. -General- CP Needed: 18000. Color: Dark Blue. -Masta General- CP Needed: 22000. Color: Dark Blue. -Elite General- CP Needed: 26000. Color: Dark Blue. -Uber General- CP Needed: 30000. Color: Dark Blue. -Marshall- CP Needed: 35000. Color: Gold. The next rank depends on what class you have the most kills with. -Death Marshall (Demolisher)- CP Needed: 40000. Color: Gold. -Stealth Marshall (Sneeker)- CP Needed: 40000. Color: Gold. -Ace Marshall (Long Ranger)- CP Needed: 40000. Color: Gold. -Field Marshall (Grunt)- CP Needed: 40000. Color: Gold. -Raze Marshall (Thermophile)- CP Needed: 40000. Color: Gold. -Sky Marshall (Sky Jockey)- CP Needed: 40000. Color: Gold. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ M a p s MAPS| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ 1. Beach Dead (Old War) Objectives: Clear the barriers and shoot off Von Kriplespac's legs (SHC), or defend Von Kriplespac (Tediz) Difficulty: Easy Best Class: Thermophile or Demolisher Worst Class: Sneeker Description: The first mission you should go on, pretty basic. Go with Tediz if you need to practice your killing. 2. Fortress Deux Objectives: Capture the enemy flag, defend your own (Both) Difficulty: Easy Best Class: Sneeker or Sky Jockey Worst Class: Demolisher Description: Your basic CTF map. If you know the path to the other flag, this map is as easy as hell. 3. Castle von Tedistein Objectives: Claim all of the buttons, and hop into the machine opposite your side. (Both) Difficulty: Medium Best Class: Long Ranger or Sneeker Worst Class: Thermophile Description: This is a great map if you want to practice your headshots, it's how I became an exellent Sniper. Also, if you consider it, also great practice for the Sneeker, since it's hitting certain points. Yes, I am a loser. 4. A Bridge Too Narrow Objectives: Capture the enemy Map Fragment, protect your own. (Both) Difficulty: Medium Best Class: Sneeker Worst Class: Demolisher Description: Another basic CTF map, except this is with little Map Fragments on poles with atoms surrounding them or something like that... 5. Three Towers Objectives: Capture all Three Towers, destroy the enemy's item (Both) Difficulty: Medium Best Class: Sneeker Worst Class: Thermophile Desctiption: A capture the point map. That's all. 6. Doon Objectives: Destroy the Panther King (SHC), or protect him (Tediz) Difficulty: Medium Best Class: Thermophile or Demolisher Worst Class: Long Ranger Description: Fun! You should have mucho fun on this map, since it's... FUN! 7. T. M. S. Spamono Objectives: Capture the energy orb, bring it to enemy base, toss it in the enemy hole... thing. (Both) Difficulty: Hard Best Class: Sneeker Worst Class: Demolisher Description: Alas, tis hard to do, what with all the Snipers and stuff... even if you ARE a Sneeker, tis very hard. 8. The Ditch Objectives: Capture the flag, return to towers. Difficulty: Hard Best Class: Sneeker Worst Class: Sky Jockey Description: Another CTF map, this one the hardest ever. It's just hard. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ S u r e S h o t s SUTS| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ This section contains the spots I (Or others) found in the game that I think really help you out. --Sure Shot 1--- Map: Beach Dead The Spot --- When destroying the last block(the big door) u can get on top of a hill and destroy it without many people shooting at u or dying often, wen u come out of the bunker(the right side) and go out(the second to last bunker) and there is a hill to the right of the trench go up there and u can see the door and use the demolisher to shoot rockets at it and no more worries of getting shot up. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ 6. O b v i o u s Q u e s t i o n s BNS| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Q: How do I uncensor Single Player? A: There is no possible way yet. --- Q: How do I stat copy/do the Dumbot glitch? A: Well how the hell should I know? Ask someone on the board. --- Q: I THINK (Sump'm) IS CHEAP DO YOU? A: If that was cheap, why did Rare put it in the game? --- Q: I got the amount of kills I need for FF/PS, but I don't have it! A: Either you have been playing offline, or you haven't activated it yet. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ 7. E x t r a s EXAS| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ 1. 10 Extra Lives To get ten lives with a single tail, climb on top of the Cheese Field, and when it dips down, tail spin and press B to turn into an anvil, breaking the wall and revealing a tail worth ten lives! ----- 2. Great Mighty Poo Song Lyrics (Uncut) I am the Great Mighty Poo, and I'm going to throw my shit at you, a huge supply of tish, come from my chocolate starfish, how about some scat you little twat? Do you really thing you'll survive in here? You don't seem to know which creek you're in. Sweet Corn is the only thing that makes through to my rear, how do you think I keep this lovely grin? Have some more caviar. Ha ha haa. Now I'm really getting rather mad, you're like a niggly tiggly shitty little tag nut. When I knock you out with all my bab, I'm going to take your head and ram it up my butt! Conker: Your butt? GMP: My butt! Conker: Your butt? GMP: That's right my butt! Conker: Auugh. GMP: My butt! Conker: Auugh. GMP: MY BUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! ----- 3. First Death Cutscene Transcript: (Conker is on the ground) ???: Conker. Conker. Conker. Yes, you boy. You're dead. You are dead. Dead as a dodo. Deader than a... *Microphone wears out* Gregg: I can't be arsed with this bloddy rediculous contraption. Whose idea was this, anyway? Right, hello, my name's Gregg, the Grim Reaper. And don't laugh. Conker: Aren't you a little short to be a Grim Reaper? Gregg: Well how many Grim Reapers have you met before, mate? What am I supposed to look like? Conker: Yeah, that's a good point and well made. Gregg: Now, let's see. Ah yes, Conker. Surname? Conker: The Squirrel. Gregg: The Squirrel. Oh, bloody Hell, you had to be a sodding Squirrel, didn't you? Conker: Why, is there a problem with that? Gregg: Why yes there is, actually. It's like those bloody Cats. Such a pain in the arse. You're one of these 'special cases.' Conker: Oh, really? Gregg: Yes, apparently. according to the powers that be. I'm just doing my job. I do what I'm told. I don't even get paid very much. Apparently, Squirrels can have as many lives as they think they can get away with. Conker: Oh, I see. So I'm not dead? Gregg: You're dead. But not quite. Conker: Right. I'll be off then! *Starts walking away* Gregg: Just you wait, smart arse. *Blocks Conker's path with scythe* You're not getting out of it that easily. Now, the thing is, you may not be dead, but that doesn't mean you can't die. You just have a few more, shall we say... chances. Like Cats. I hate those things! Distributed around your world are these little tail things. Squirrels' tails. If you can get them, I'll give you an extra chance. Understand? Conker: Well, sounds a bit strange, but ok. Gregg: Strange? It's the best bloody deal you're going to get, you little prick. Right, that's it, piss off. I've got some cats to see. *Walking away while murmuring the following* Bloody things. I hate those bloddy cats. The way they always meow and piss everywhere... and their shit smells just... just bloody awful all over my furniature.... ----- 4. Berri Ad If you didn't notice, there is an ad for Berri in the bathroom in "It's War". It says "Call Berri. She's waiting for your Conkers... 555-2368", with a picture of Berri touching herself. Here are some pictures: http://www.zenblue.net/ded/Call_Berri1.jpg http://www.zenblue.net/ded/Call_Berri2.jpg --- Now I will get more extras up as I find them! +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ 8. C l o s i n g CLNG| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Well, this is the end of my faq. We've had some great times... *cue sad music* But I will add more! In the meantime, you can contact me at dannylr00@yahoo.com, and see me on the Conker boards as MarioBros91. Here is a list of Dos and Don'ts for contacting me: DO send me suggestions. DO send me CONSTRUCTIVE critisizim. DO send me stuff I missed. DO send mw questions DON'T send me complaints. DON'T snd me spelin erors i mad. DON'T send me stuff like 'this guide suks, u suk' DON'T send me off-topic stuff. I give credit to: Rareware for creating Conker. I still can't believe you sold out to Microsoft. GameFAQs for accepting this Faq, as you are among one of my favorite sites. You, for reading this. Sites permitted to use this: GameFAQs Neoseeker CheatCC If you ask me NICELY, I might let you also use this on your site. Well, goodbye!