Off-Topic Discussions

Page 6 of 7   •  First Page  •  Previous Page  •   Next Page  •   Last Page
Signup or Login to Post
jokes
  • Current rank: 1.5 Stars. Next Rank at 500 Posts.
    Send a message to mkeywood
    ELITE
    mkeywood posted on Jul 19, 2010 7:00:02 AM - Report post
     
    one day a snooker mad monster goes to the doctor complaining of a bad stomach.

    "what do you eat every day" asks the doctor,

    "well" says the monster

    "for breakfast i have a brown snooker ball, and for lunch i have a black a pink and two yellows, i have a white for my tea in the afternoon, and then 5 reds before i go to bed"

    "i know why you are not feeling well" exclaims the doctor "you are not getting enough greens"

    [Edited by mkeywood, 7/19/2010 7:00:32 AM]
    happy child of Ho-Oh2224
    (\_/)
    (o.O)
    (___)
    This is EVIL Bunny. Copy Bunny into your signature to help him on his way to world donmination...mkeywood is now on twitter follow me you know u want 2, i know u want 2 we all know u want 2
  • Current rank: 1 Star. Next Rank at 100 Posts.
    Send a message to golem148
    ELITE
    golem148 posted on Jul 19, 2010 7:19:39 AM - Report post
     
    -Do you have problems with alcohol?

    -No, only pleasures...


    I know some really, really bad ones
    Hi!
  • Current rank: 3.5 Stars. Next Rank at 8000 Posts.
    Send a message to latios_power
    ELITE
    latios_power posted on Jul 19, 2010 9:53:25 AM - Report post
     
    Too bad I can only remember jokes that I can't post here.
    ~King of Dark~
    â™®C.0.Wâ™®
    My Past has determined your future
    My torrential pain will be your unspeakable suffering
    Your days are numbered
    Don't fear the end
    Pray for it
    and unlike your own mortality
    My thirst for vengeance
    WILL NEVER DIE

    [Married to Raha <3]
  • Current rank: 2 Stars. Next Rank at 1000 Posts.
    Send a message to shafir
    ELITE
    shafir posted on Jul 24, 2010 9:41:53 PM - Report post
     
    During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."

    The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."

    The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.

    "I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.

    The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"

    "Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.

    "Like what?" asked the bartender.

    "Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.

    The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.

    So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

    "I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.

    The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

    "Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.

    "That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.

    With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and **** into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."

    The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.

    The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began ****ing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.

    The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"

    The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could **** all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"
    Been away from chu for way to long! how are you guys! ya boy is BACK
  • Current rank: 2 Stars. Next Rank at 1000 Posts.
    Send a message to Foxxie-kun
    VETERAN
    Foxxie-kun posted on Jul 25, 2010 1:25:36 AM - Report post
     
    That made me laugh Shafir.

    Here's a good one.

    Three men were stranded on an island of cannibals and were captured by the locals.

    The chieftain told them (In surprisingly good English no less) that to survive, they would have to pass three tests and then be indoctrinated into the tribe, otherwise they would be boiled in the village's giant iron cauldron and eaten.

    The first test was to drink three large stone cups of the village's most potent liquor, the second test was to pull a sore tooth from the village's angry tiger pet, and the final test was to claim a village virgin for his bride to become fully indoctrinated into the tribe.

    The first man barely let the liquor touch his tongue before he passed out. He was stripped and thrown into the cauldron whole, boiling alive.

    The second man drank three cups but was quite visibly drunk. He was guided, hobbling, to the large hut where the tiger was kept, and tossed inside rather unceremoniously. Sounds of screaming and tearing flesh permeated the air in the village before the villagers went in and hauled out the rather thoroughly minced and mauled remains of the man.

    The third man drank three cups easily and asked for several more before the tribe cut him off and ushered him into the hut where the tiger was kept.

    For a few moments there was silence, then roaring and snarling and a struggle was heard from within, followed by a deep purr.

    The man emerged, lightly scratched but no worse for wear and yelled "Aye, now where's the bonny wee lass with the sore tooth?"
    Yo.
  • Current rank: 4.5 Stars. Next Rank at 20.000 Posts.
    Send a message to Shibby
    ELITE
    Shibby posted on Jul 25, 2010 7:51:57 PM - Report post
     
    "My ex-girlfriend has a picture of a sea shell tattooed on her inner thigh. If you put your ear to it, you can smell the ocean."


    I choked on my drink when I heard this
    Shibby __/--

  • Current rank: 1.5 Stars. Next Rank at 500 Posts.
    Send a message to Rise_Against
    ELITE
    Rise_Against posted on Jul 28, 2010 2:09:07 PM - Report post
     
    Why do doctors wear mask in the operating theatre?
    So if they make a stuff-up nobody knows who it was.

    Bob, robert and john are trapped on a cannibal island.
    The cannibals tell them if they pass the great test they can leave the island, but if they fail they'll get eaten.

    The test is that they have to find two fruits and then return for further instructions. So Bob comes back with 2 apples. They tell him "If you can shove those up your butt without flinching, we'll let you go."

    Bob screws up and they eat him.

    Rob comes back with two grapes, and before he even get's the grape close he bursts into laughter. They eat him.

    In heaven Bob asks "What was so funny?"
    Robert replies "I saw John on the way to the camp with two pineapples."

    [Edited by Rise_Against, 7/28/2010 2:19:19 PM]
    So signature
    wow
    much awesome
    many swag
  • Send a message to pokemaster528
    INACTIVE
    pokemaster528 posted on Aug 02, 2010 12:44:04 PM - Report post
     
    This ones a good one.
    The man said,"Waiter,Theres a bee in my alphabet soup".
    The waiter said,"Yes sir and i'm sure theres an A and a C also".
     
Page 6 of 7   •  First Page  •  Previous Page  •   Next Page  •   Last Page
Signup or Login to Post
All times are (GMT -06:00) Central Time (US & Canada). Current time is 8:07:58 AM